Comments on: Stepcoupling: Creating and Sustaining a Strong Marriage in Today’s Blended Family http://www.globalmarriage.net/stepcoupling-creating-and-sustaining-a-strong-marriage-in-todays-blended-family Interesting Information, Discussions, News & Product Offers Tue, 22 May 2012 10:12:10 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Lisa Cohn http://www.globalmarriage.net/stepcoupling-creating-and-sustaining-a-strong-marriage-in-todays-blended-family/comment-page-1#comment-2668 Lisa Cohn Mon, 31 May 2010 16:12:59 +0000 http://www.globalmarriage.net/stepcoupling-creating-and-sustaining-a-strong-marriage-in-todays-blended-family#comment-2668 The authors identify the many issues that stand in the way of a couple's happiness in blended families--intrusive ex-spouses, difficult stepchildren, a parent's close relationship to his or her biological children, to name just a few. Wisdom and Green constantly encourage readers to nurture the "stepcouple" relationship in the face of these challenges, and provide practical advice about how to do it. The tone is authoritative and hopeful, and the book includes interesting anecdotes from anonymous stepfamily members. "Stepcoupling" is a very useful and well-organized book that will help stepparents and their spouses grapple with many stepfamily challenges. As a parent in a family with "his," "hers" and "ours" kids, I personally found the book both inspiring and overwhelming. It's an important reminder about how hard we must all work in blended families to balance everyone's interests and needs. <br /> <br /> <br /> Rating: 4 / 5 The authors identify the many issues that stand in the way of a couple’s happiness in blended families–intrusive ex-spouses, difficult stepchildren, a parent’s close relationship to his or her biological children, to name just a few. Wisdom and Green constantly encourage readers to nurture the “stepcouple” relationship in the face of these challenges, and provide practical advice about how to do it. The tone is authoritative and hopeful, and the book includes interesting anecdotes from anonymous stepfamily members. “Stepcoupling” is a very useful and well-organized book that will help stepparents and their spouses grapple with many stepfamily challenges. As a parent in a family with “his,” “hers” and “ours” kids, I personally found the book both inspiring and overwhelming. It’s an important reminder about how hard we must all work in blended families to balance everyone’s interests and needs.

Rating: 4 / 5

]]> By: Sandra C. Anderson http://www.globalmarriage.net/stepcoupling-creating-and-sustaining-a-strong-marriage-in-todays-blended-family/comment-page-1#comment-2667 Sandra C. Anderson Mon, 31 May 2010 15:25:57 +0000 http://www.globalmarriage.net/stepcoupling-creating-and-sustaining-a-strong-marriage-in-todays-blended-family#comment-2667 Although there are many outstanding books on stepparenting, this is the first book that focuses exclusively on stepcouples. With the use of excellent case examples, the authors present sound advice and strategies for dealing with the innumerable, difficult issues faced by these couples. While this is clearly a "remarriage manual", it is more useful than most because it integrates theory in a quite readable, understandable way. For example, family of origin theory is used to demonstrate how unresolved, early life issues can further complicate stepcoupling relationships. I strongly recommend this book to those who are contemplating or currently in stepcoupling relationships, as well as counselors and therapists who see these couples in their practice. Rating: 5 / 5 Although there are many outstanding books on stepparenting, this is the first book that focuses exclusively on stepcouples. With the use of excellent case examples, the authors present sound advice and strategies for dealing with the innumerable, difficult issues faced by these couples. While this is clearly a “remarriage manual”, it is more useful than most because it integrates theory in a quite readable, understandable way. For example, family of origin theory is used to demonstrate how unresolved, early life issues can further complicate stepcoupling relationships. I strongly recommend this book to those who are contemplating or currently in stepcoupling relationships, as well as counselors and therapists who see these couples in their practice.
Rating: 5 / 5

]]> By: Melissa A. Adams http://www.globalmarriage.net/stepcoupling-creating-and-sustaining-a-strong-marriage-in-todays-blended-family/comment-page-1#comment-2666 Melissa A. Adams Mon, 31 May 2010 14:09:21 +0000 http://www.globalmarriage.net/stepcoupling-creating-and-sustaining-a-strong-marriage-in-todays-blended-family#comment-2666 I am a clinical social worker in private therapy practice. I purchased this book three years ago to help a family with whom I was working in therapy. Since then, I have quoted the highlighted passages from my own copy numerous times in sessions, and have loaned the book out so many times that a client finally bought me a newer copy, as a gift for helping her family so much. The best thing about this book is how it highlights the couple relationship. Blended family couples finally have support in creating the foundation for success. Many texts about blending families and helping children deal with divorce focus on how the "children should come first", to the exclusion of what is necessary to keep the adults healthy. Children's needs are certainly paramount, but often that belief feeds a system wherein parents are almost forced to create a triangulated situation between their biological children and their new spouse. This book clearly explains how to avoid that triangulation, and to keep the power where it belongs: with the two adults in the home, as a team. As a structural family therapist, this book helps me to show parents what we mean when we talk about the "executive power system" in the family. In order to have healthy blended families, it is absolutely essential to have a strong parent couple in each family. This book helps the reader with the myths and misconceptions of "step-families", which are really better termed "blended families". It gives good suggestions on how to deal with "the exes" -- the other parents of the children in your home. It addresses the "yours, mine and ours" issues that come up when blended families add more kids to the family. It also addresses special considerations that need to be made when one parent has died. The message of hope throughout this book makes it easy to read and truly finish, especially for parents in busy families. The personal stories from parents in blended families give the reader the sense that they are not alone, and that it will get better. I highly recommend this book, for every blended family parent, and every family therapist working with blended families. Rating: 5 / 5 I am a clinical social worker in private therapy practice. I purchased this book three years ago to help a family with whom I was working in therapy. Since then, I have quoted the highlighted passages from my own copy numerous times in sessions, and have loaned the book out so many times that a client finally bought me a newer copy, as a gift for helping her family so much. The best thing about this book is how it highlights the couple relationship. Blended family couples finally have support in creating the foundation for success. Many texts about blending families and helping children deal with divorce focus on how the “children should come first”, to the exclusion of what is necessary to keep the adults healthy. Children’s needs are certainly paramount, but often that belief feeds a system wherein parents are almost forced to create a triangulated situation between their biological children and their new spouse. This book clearly explains how to avoid that triangulation, and to keep the power where it belongs: with the two adults in the home, as a team. As a structural family therapist, this book helps me to show parents what we mean when we talk about the “executive power system” in the family. In order to have healthy blended families, it is absolutely essential to have a strong parent couple in each family. This book helps the reader with the myths and misconceptions of “step-families”, which are really better termed “blended families”. It gives good suggestions on how to deal with “the exes” — the other parents of the children in your home. It addresses the “yours, mine and ours” issues that come up when blended families add more kids to the family. It also addresses special considerations that need to be made when one parent has died. The message of hope throughout this book makes it easy to read and truly finish, especially for parents in busy families. The personal stories from parents in blended families give the reader the sense that they are not alone, and that it will get better. I highly recommend this book, for every blended family parent, and every family therapist working with blended families.
Rating: 5 / 5

]]> By: Anonymous http://www.globalmarriage.net/stepcoupling-creating-and-sustaining-a-strong-marriage-in-todays-blended-family/comment-page-1#comment-2665 Anonymous Mon, 31 May 2010 13:44:40 +0000 http://www.globalmarriage.net/stepcoupling-creating-and-sustaining-a-strong-marriage-in-todays-blended-family#comment-2665 I married a man quite a lot older than me -- he had children and I did not. I had no idea the sudden imapact having four stepchildren would have on me -- and my marriage! Reading Stepcoupling was the first step to saving my marriage and my sanity. Susan Wisdom clearly understands all the complicated dynamics of the stepfamily -- from an uncooporative ex-spouse to angry stepchildren. She offers useful discussion guides, questionaires, exercises, and tried-and-true strategies to help parnters cope with the new responsibilities and challenges. Knowing that if the stepcouple remains strong and presents a unified position, then all the other challenges can be resolved made all the difference. My husband read the book too and from that point on we began the process of building a strong family. Rating: 5 / 5 I married a man quite a lot older than me — he had children and I did not. I had no idea the sudden imapact having four stepchildren would have on me — and my marriage! Reading Stepcoupling was the first step to saving my marriage and my sanity. Susan Wisdom clearly understands all the complicated dynamics of the stepfamily — from an uncooporative ex-spouse to angry stepchildren. She offers useful discussion guides, questionaires, exercises, and tried-and-true strategies to help parnters cope with the new responsibilities and challenges. Knowing that if the stepcouple remains strong and presents a unified position, then all the other challenges can be resolved made all the difference. My husband read the book too and from that point on we began the process of building a strong family.
Rating: 5 / 5

]]> By: Karon Goodman http://www.globalmarriage.net/stepcoupling-creating-and-sustaining-a-strong-marriage-in-todays-blended-family/comment-page-1#comment-2664 Karon Goodman Mon, 31 May 2010 12:57:10 +0000 http://www.globalmarriage.net/stepcoupling-creating-and-sustaining-a-strong-marriage-in-todays-blended-family#comment-2664 In this straightforward book, the authors coin the term stepcoupling to mean the "ongoing process of forming and maintaining a marriage when children are involved." We all know that we have to pay attention to our marriages to sustain our stepfamilies, and the authors tell us that our success "hinges on the willingness and ability of the partners to grapple with personal and family issues." Then they offer help.<br> <br>The entire book discusses various personal and family issues that can threaten a stepfamily marriage. Instead of a lot of hard to understand theory, you'll find accessible advice that hits home with so many common problems. Gray boxes throughout provide questions for yourself and for discussions to have with your spouse. Autonomous questions pepper the text, and the authors follow them with practical solutions. Real stepparents, too, contribute their stories and feelings. You'll probably see yourself in several places in these comforting pages.<p>The book discusses a stepparent's expections of herself and her family. And in the very helpful section on boundaries, the authors discuss not only physical boundaries but also boundaries on relationships, including the need to sever the ties with former spouses and how to expand your boundaries to include your stepchildren. The section on "family acrobatics" tackles the issue of finding everyone's place in the family. You'll also learn how to strike a balance when your styles and values on parenting, money or anything else differ from your spouse's. <p>The final chapter is one stepcouple's story in their words, how they've survived twenty-nine years to become the close family they are. You'll find encouragement, advice and compassion in this book that truly understands stepfamilies. Rating: 4 / 5 In this straightforward book, the authors coin the term stepcoupling to mean the “ongoing process of forming and maintaining a marriage when children are involved.” We all know that we have to pay attention to our marriages to sustain our stepfamilies, and the authors tell us that our success “hinges on the willingness and ability of the partners to grapple with personal and family issues.” Then they offer help. The entire book discusses various personal and family issues that can threaten a stepfamily marriage. Instead of a lot of hard to understand theory, you’ll find accessible advice that hits home with so many common problems. Gray boxes throughout provide questions for yourself and for discussions to have with your spouse. Autonomous questions pepper the text, and the authors follow them with practical solutions. Real stepparents, too, contribute their stories and feelings. You’ll probably see yourself in several places in these comforting pages.The book discusses a stepparent’s expections of herself and her family. And in the very helpful section on boundaries, the authors discuss not only physical boundaries but also boundaries on relationships, including the need to sever the ties with former spouses and how to expand your boundaries to include your stepchildren. The section on “family acrobatics” tackles the issue of finding everyone’s place in the family. You’ll also learn how to strike a balance when your styles and values on parenting, money or anything else differ from your spouse’s. The final chapter is one stepcouple’s story in their words, how they’ve survived twenty-nine years to become the close family they are. You’ll find encouragement, advice and compassion in this book that truly understands stepfamilies.
Rating: 4 / 5

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